19. Trust

Happy New Year everyone.

 

Reading Chrissy’s email reminded me that she and I began a conversation asking what is w2k, so I did a little word brainstorming just now and looked up the word trust. I discovered a word rich with meaning I thought appropriate to share.

 

TRUST
(1) v. To depend on, count on, have confidence in, put one’s faith in

(2) n. Hopefulness, optimism, expectation

(3) n. Responsibility, commitment

(4) n. Security, confidence, certainty

(5) n. Guardianship, guidance, protection, safekeeping, direction

 

Reflecting on this past year and w2k it is all of those things to me. It is a responsibility and commitment to care for, think about and help one another. There is a quote that says It is one of the true blessings in life that it is not possible to help another without also helping yourself. W2k serves as my safety net, and I see how I have grown more confident and bold these past two years through the support of this group. Through your discourse, feedback and guidance I’ve learned to value who I am and stop struggling to be someone different. Instead, I am working on being more me—on realizing my unique and full potential. Because of all of you, and the commitment each of you makes to our group, I am filled with hope and optimism for us as a group and each of us as individuals.

 

 

SOUL

As we enter this new year, there is a lot going on in my life. I am facing old struggles and new ones, yet I feel peaceful and confident. I am learning to walk the Buddha’s “middle path,” resisting the temptation to swing back and forth with life’s highs and lows. I am finding a reserve of faith and patience I never knew I had, learning to trust that with time everything changes, everything ebbs and flows. I will find work that makes me happy; I will lose it. We will have plenty of money; we will not have enough. I will be confident and peaceful; I will be anxious and full of doubt. I will be radiant with energy and health; I will be dull with inertia and poor health.

 

Specifics for the record.

 

WORK

Both John and I are reflecting intently on what work means to us. I’m realizing that my struggle with work stems from wanting my career to be a vocation and a passion, not an income. One perspective energizes and inspires me, the other paralyzes me. I struggle, however, because I can’t bring myself to fully commit to either path. I fear both. The one, because I might not succeed and I fear I’m acting spoiled; the other, because it feels like such a deadening of my spirit and what I envision for myself and my life.

 

As I continue to look at this, I am trying to do both. To satisfy a base income however I can, and also commit to my dream no matter how scary that feels.

 

RELATIONSHIP

John and I continue to go to counseling and both of us are LOVING it!!! It is helping each of us individually and as a couple. We learned fairly quickly that our difficulties as a couple stem from our individual preoccupations with our own personal anxiety. We’re both pretty anxious about our own lives and for John this manifests as irritability and distraction, while for me it expresses as insecurity and fear—which triggers John’s irritability and creates a cycle.

 

BODY

John and I committed to a fitness plan together and we’re running five times a week, (will be) lifting three times a week, plus I am continuing my yoga. I have not run since high school and I love it! I am run/walking, alternating laps, for three to four miles. I read an article on motivating yourself to stick with an exercise plan and I learned that I am 100% motivated by short goals. After I run six weeks without missing a day, I plan to reward myself. The article says that is takes six months to truly make exercise a habit and recommends dividing that six months into shorter milestones with incentives. Rain or shine. So far, I wouldn’t think of not going because I want my prize at the end! Of course, I also feel GREAT mentally and physically, but we all know, for some insane reason that is never enough to keep you going.

 

I can not wait to see all of you and to usher in a new year with the positive energy and momentum created by our commitment to one another and the unique trust we have created. Thank you!