I realize I am sending this late. I am writing for myself.
I had my first month billing what feels like an acceptable (and sustainable) mix of work and income. A milestone I’m glad I am acknowledging. Some of the work I am less interested in is naturally falling away and some new opportunities are surfacing that will help me start to transition and evolve my career. I’m feeling like I need to give this some focused attention and contemplation, which I haven’t done yet. I also feel very tempted to call a psychic for help reading my heart. Curiously, a work contact I’ve intermittently stayed in touch with called this morning and unsolicited began telling me about her own experience working with a “spiritual guide.” I want to develop and trust this skill in myself, but I also feel tempted to let someone else figure it out and just tell me what to do.
Jordan over dinner the other night looked at me and said: “You’ve been procrastinating long enough, you need to start writing.” I was taken aback, and of course, defended myself. I’m focused on building enough business to be financially solid. I have been making progress with goals. He told me to stop prioritizing my home and garden over writing and start writing, even15 minutes every day. Hearing this from Jordan, whose strength is his single-minded focus on pursuing his goals, triggered something for me. I’m still exploring and trying to understand, but I think that maybe he’s right and that this is part of his role in my life. He also told me recently that as much as he would love for me to help him and to be his partner, he recognizes that I have too much talent in my own right.
I did write for 15 minutes the other night and I am feeling that maybe the time is here and I am ready.
I was a little more hit or miss with yoga last month, but went three times last week, two the week before and I am committed to honoring my intention, while taking it one day at a time without pressure or guilt. I bought some new, hip yoga clothes to help motivate me. My first new yoga clothes in six or seven years—it was time.
I’m struggling with feeling heavier than I like—probably more psychological than physical. I am feeling so much more grounded and balanced in the rest of my life, (I mean that as an acknowledgement of the longview and how far I’ve travelled), and it becomes increasingly less tolerable to me—more disappointing—every time I over indulge in food and wine. I want to enjoy good food and wine since it is such a significant part of my lifestyle here and my relationship with Jordan, but I want to be able to enjoy it without overindulging and ruining the experience. I feel like all or nothing is the only way for me, but as I am writing this, I realize this is my next challenge. And that like all the other areas in my life where I have made progress, I need to be patient. Bringing awareness and intention to an area you want to improve is the first step. Change takes commitment, perseverance, patience and faith.
I’m making progress in this arena, but it is the perfect example of change that has required patience and compassion! Like training a puppy, gently coming back to my intention each time I stray.