45. Home

I never remember what headings to use or how to order them. It would be interesting to go back and see how I change them from month-to-month, or if I do.



It was fantastic to have w2k to my house last weekend! This place is SO nourishing to my soul—I can’t believe how lucky I am my life has taken this turn. I wake up in the morning happy. In the evening, I walk down and water my garden and can’t get over how content I feel. This beautiful summer weather certainly helps too, although I imagine that winter will be cozy with my gas stove, watching the rain beat against my huge windows. I have not experienced even one moment of looking back; it’s as if I’ve lived here forever and it’s where I’m meant to be.



After my father’s visit, all my doubts and questions about my relationship with Jordan came to a head and I resolved, no matter how awful it felt, to try and gently end our relationship. With sound advice from Karen, I went into our conversation with an open mind and heart, unattached to outcome, and prepared to allow breaking up to be a process. Jordan was also unhappy, but instead of concluding that we should break up, he told me how committed he is to learning and growing together instead of apart. Being a person of few words, all the things he said made me realize how wonderful he is and that I need to take responsibility for my own lack of commitment to him and our relationship. New perspective: I see how he is kinder and more generous toward me than I have ever experienced, and how much I enjoy the similarities in our preferences and styles. Thank God we never stop learning and growing. During this same time, a situation with John at work made me recognize his perpetual pattern of cycling in and out of being happy and jazzed, to being discontent and unhappy. When he’s discontent, he looks outside himself. Seeing the pattern clearly for the first time made me realize how doomed I was in our relationship; I took his moods so personally, and tried so earnestly to help.



We all took our eye off the ball last month, (I was moving), and consequently we got a wake up call when we went to pay ourselves. Lessons learned. I continue to feel happy and fulfilled right now doing this, and I continue to bring in new leads for us, so our prospects have never looked more promising. I love my new desk and office, and I love the energy and flow here—I know this place will improve my success.



Moving cost me untold amounts of money in one hundred different ways. I am about to paint my front door red for prosperity. Being away from the temptations of the city will be huge for me, plus my expenses are fewer. It is still going to take resolve, but I want this—I want to work my way out of debt and build wealth again.