14. Future Forward

Warning: long check-in. It feels good to reflect and chronicle the past month. A lot has happened—is happening.



WineShopper is where Hungry Minds was two months ago. We will hear Monday what’s going on. (Obviously this is confidential.) I am waiting to see what happens, but have made a commitment to myself, (with John’s support), to leave WineShopper the first of the year. I will have made my year goal, plus stayed and helped through the holidays for goodwill.



Projecting ahead to 2001: new year; new goals. I have an idea for the book I would like to write, but first I want to work for an East Bay foundation and become more familiar and involved with my community. I want my career from here forward to center around making a positive impact; about working for a cause I care about. Yes, I like drinking wine; no, I don’t care if anyone else does. I’ve always respected activists, but never seen myself as one. This stint at WineShopper with some reflection, however, has made me realize that I am actually quite “cause” motivated, just in my own way. Everything I’ve done to date, except WineShopper, has been motivated by a sense of community and humanity. I need to return to this.


Balance will be the other mantra for 2001. Whatever job I find, negotiating a four day work week and a long summer holiday, (at least the ability to telecommute from the East Coast), will be prerequisites. I no longer doubt the value I bring. WineShopper taught me a lot. I recently discovered that the guy who does nothing but scan wine labels for our site earns the same salary I do. I am peers with his manager! I trusted that WineShopper would be fair and pay me market value—oh well. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. I won’t have to learn this lesson again.



John and I leave Friday for a week in the Poconos with my family. The Poconos is all about slowing down and just being. There’s little to do but sit on the dock or on the porch and read, write, be quiet and think. (There will also be some fun and games with my nieces and nephews.) I miss my family tremendously. John and I have decided that beginning next summer we are going to try and start spending a month or two on the East Coast.



I get back from the Poconos and leave three weeks later for Kauai. I need this time to nurture my life and spirit back to health. I participated in a small group meditation two Sundays ago during the lunar eclipse and had an interesting experience. Despite sitting up straight in a chair, both feet planted, my body felt like it was tipping to the right—really pulling to the right—and my left side felt completely vacated. Afterward I asked about it and learned that your right side is your masculine and action self; your left is your feminine, creative, intuitive self. I had just told John that what I hate most about WineShopper is that my brain is constantly on overdrive with busy work. I never have time to just sit quietly and think, be creative, feel. I probably should add that all of this came to a head two weeks ago when a very dear family friend died. I got the phone call Monday morning, caught the bus in tears and didn’t have another moment to process my emotions until Wednesday night when they forced themselves to the surface and I crashed and burned. I then proceeded to get sick.


Yoga is still going great and thank God for it!